


Winged Goodbye

by HelenasBertinelli (blvckpnthers)



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Nightwing (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Anger, Angst, DC I want my rounds, Gen, Heroes in Crisis aftermath, M/M, Not A Fix-It, Panic Attacks, Unhappy Ending, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-18 12:56:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16118930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blvckpnthers/pseuds/HelenasBertinelli
Summary: Jason's used to life never giving him a break.His timing was never right and things always went wrong at the worst possible times....that doesn't mean he was prepared when the last thing he left was ripped away





	Winged Goodbye

The last thing Jason needed or wanted was to see the golden child at his doorway. 

Of course he'd scoffed and tried to close the door, the bastard blocked him, claiming he had something important to tell him, which lead Jason attempting to close the door _again_. Of course Dick is relentless and stopped it again, which lead to Jason yelling at him because if he thought Jason was just going to jump into battle after what had happened on that rooftop and pretend like nothing happened then Dick and the rest of that “family” had another thing coming. But the man didn't respond to Jason’s yelling. Sure he flinched when it first started but other than that, he didn't even appear to be fazed actually. He looked to be in deep thought, his eyes were kind of distant too. The natural uptick that was usually in Dick’s face was gone. His older brother looked… Worn and frankly older than he was. 

“Jason stop. Please…” Dick pleaded weakly from his place at the doorway. “Just stop”

Jason narrowed his eyes as he looked at Dick. 

Really looked at him. 

Something was off. 

To anyone else, it would look like Dick was waiting patiently to be granted entry into his safehouse.

But there was the sudden unpredictable twitches in places on his body. 

The twitch of his shoulder, like he wanted to slouch but was fighting the urge. 

The twitch of his fingers, like he needed to fidget or wanted to clench them, but was fighting that off as well. Not in an intimidating way, but in a “something is utterly wrong but I need to hide it for now”.

The twitch of his eyebrows, obviously fighting the urge to scowl. 

And lastly his lips also had an unpredictable twitch. Fighting to pull the straight grim line down into a deeply upsetting frown. 

All mannerisms only another crime fighter would recognize, anyone could convincingly appear calm the way Dick did right now but with enough experience in reading body language you could see through the facade. 

But that wasn't the only thing. 

Jason looked directly into Dick’s baby blue eyes, usually alight with a seemingly permanent mischievous mirth but with enough softness and understanding to comfort even the most scared child. 

Now they held none of that. They would be deep nothingless pits of blue if it weren't for the unmistakable grief seen inside of them. 

It was a look everyone in the capes and vigilante business was awfully familiar with.  

Most recently he'd seen that look in Bruce’s eyes, months before their fight, back when everything was fine, everyone was fine, damn near thriving actually, until Jason was called down to the batcave one day…

“Dick… “ Jason said warily. 

“Jas-,” he began, but Jason suddenly grabbed him by his shirt and pushed him against the wall, the green pushing at the ends of his vision. 

“Shut up, Grayson.” He growled. “Don't you _dare_. Don't you say anything” His voice cracked as he fisted Dick’s shirt in his hands, slamming him against the wall again. 

Dick didn't even flinch, and Jason stared directly into his eyes, hopelessly waiting for that expression to change. For that annoying ass smirk to suddenly appear on his face. For this to just be a big joke. For the moment where he could kick Grayson’s ass for psyching him out like that but being grateful that everyone was fucking _fine and alive_. For Bizarro and Artemis to pop out behind him with cake and fucking streamers and party horns and laughter and hugs and screaming _April Fools!_

But Artemis and Bizarro were…

They were somewhere other than here.

And it only was the end of September, and Dick’s eyes just grew more dejected. 

“Jason,” he said again, his voice firmer. Jason pulled him back and slammed him against the wall again. 

“NO _DAMMIT_ ” He yelled, voice riddled with desperation. “EVERYONE IS FINE YOU ASSHOLE. DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE COME UP IN HERE AND SAY THOSE WORDS GRAYSON! DON'T YOU FUCKING _DARE_ YOU ASSHOLE! _FUCK YOU_!” 

“Ja-” 

“ _GODDAMMIT_ ” He yelled again, pulling his fist back, and striking the wall next to Dick's head several times. The sheetrock breaking upon the third impact. A slew of curses fell out of Jason’s mouth and he looked down, unable to meet Dick’s eyes anymore as he realized that this was real… This was happening to him again. 

Closing his eyes, he grit his teeth harshly, breathing in deep trying to pull the edges of the green away. Shit, he was mad at the bat and rest of that so-called “family” right now yes, but the last thing he needed on his plate was Bruce and the rest showing up at his doorstep because he killed the golden child. After being bitch slapped by Batman on a rooftop several times and getting a damn _batarang_ thrown in his neck, accident or not, combined with the rest of brats he doesn't think that'd be a fight he'd walk away from without permanent damage this time… or even alive if the demon was feeling extra stabby. 

He released Dick from his pin against the wall, walking backwards until he hit the back of his couch, and he slid down it in defeat, his energy suddenly gone. He pulled his knees to chest, but whether it was to act as a shield or hold himself together was unknown. Maybe a little bit of both. 

“Who… Who was it?” He finally whispered. “Who? W-was it Steph? Cass? Duke? That little shit just got here…” he rambled. “Was it that Kyle kid? I always had a soft spot for him. Alfred is immortal so that's out of the question right?” he chuckled, but the sound was watery and sorrowful. 

Dick said nothing. He just walked towards Jason and took the same position next to him against the couch. 

“There was a massacre…” He began after a moment of silence.  

“Fuck…” Jason hissed again, banging his head against the back of the couch. 

“... At sanctuary…” Dick continued, ignoring Jason's expletive. His voice cracked and mentally Jason braced himself as best he could. 

Wait a minute… 

Sanctuary? 

As in… “Rehab for capes” Sanctuary? 

Wasn't that where…

Oh… 

Oh no. 

No. 

 _Nonononono_. 

“A-a lot of people died and…” Jason felt Dick turn towards him. His gaze felt calculating and piercing leaving Jason feeling more vulnerable than he's ever felt in a long time. “Wa… Wally-” Dick’s voice choked up, and Jason’s was convinced if his heart beat any faster he'd go into cardiac arrest. He pulled his knees tighter to his chest, mind on the verge of going overdrive as he tried to push back the green, begging silently as he started to tremble lightly. 

_Please. Please don't say it…_

_Please. Just grant him this one mercy. Please. **Please**. He can't take this anymore, just… Please. _

“Wally and Roy were… They're dead Jason,” 

Slowly, Jason’s head turned to finally look at Dick. The tears were flowing freely down his cheeks and he's never seen his older brother look so utterly wrecked and helpless. 

He doesn't know what expression is on his face, but whatever it is, it makes Dick visibly cringe. 

“What?” He asked. Voice dripping with so much venom, Dick flinched back harshly. 

“Roy’s dead, Jason,”

Instantly numbness took over Jason. He felt like he was floating and not in a good way. 

The green etched further into vision. 

Suddenly he jumped up from his place on the floor. His limbs felt weird and like jelly, and he almost fell, stepping on Dick’s hand as he worked to get himself coordinated. 

His mouth was dry as the sahara and his head was pounding and spinning as he worked his brain to calm himself down and keep the green at bay. He'd pop a cigarette in but _of fucking course_ he didn't have any since one of the bats conditions was that he stopped smoking and he never had the fucking chance to get another pack yet. 

It felt like Jason was having a panic attack, as a weight on his chest suddenly came into play. He heard Dick call out for him, but words failed as he began to pace. Hands grabbing roughly at his hair. 

“Jason. I'm so sorry…” He registered Dick’s voice saying. It sounded far away. 

Jason’s back bumped into something. 

A mirror. 

_When did he get across the room?_

His reflection showed a man shaking so badly, his hair was trembling and teeth were chattering. His face screwed up so tight it was a wonder there was even space fat tears leaking out of his eyes to come out. He was panting so harshly the vapor on the mirror couldn't even fully disappear before he was blowing out another breath. 

He- he couldn't think. He knew his sense of time in this state was always fucked up but it felt like the green was taking over too quickly. He wanted…

 _Fuck_. 

He needed someone who fully understood, who knew what to do. He wanted Kory, or Artemis or even Bizarro… 

 _Dammit_.  

He just… 

He needed R-

“Jas… Sor… Happening…” He heard Dick again. His voice distorted and fading in and out. 

He needed to get Dick out of here.

He managed to shield his family from the worst of his demons for this long and he didn't plan on stopping now. He felt like he was disconnecting from his mind and body more and more with each passing second.  

Upon opening his mouth, words failed as the ever increasing weight on his chest made him choke on them. He growled lowly and used what felt like the last semi coherent part of his brain to force the words out. 

“Get… Out” he heard himself say. The words sounded shaky and hoarse. 

“Jason… Little wing… I'm not go-” Dick’s voice sounded closer now. He was right behind him, and he out his hand on Jason’s shoulder. 

It felt wrong. 

It was all _wrong._  

His hand felt wrong. The nickname he was called felt wrong. The voice was wrong and filled with pure fright but there was no hint of understanding beneath it because Dick didn't understand, he didn't know what was going on and Jason didn't want him here. 

He wanted… 

He _needed_ Roy with him. 

He needed to feel Roy’s hands on him, he needed to be called Jaybird and coddled in that way he swore was fucking annoying but he would never let go. He needed to be brought down from the green in that way only Roy knew how. 

Roy had that type of magic. 

But it was gone now. 

And time it was permanent. 

His felt Dick's hand squeeze his shoulder, and knew the man was going to try and hug him now. He ripped Dick’s hand off and as his brain faded in once more he caught the look of utter disgust on his own face. He faded out again and felt himself grab Dick’s shoulders. 

“GET OUT!” He heard himself scream, pushing the man out of the still open door and slamming it closed. His brain having enough power to lock it and ignore the muffled sounds of Dick’s distorted pleading and pounding on the door. 

Breathing in deeply. Jason allowed himself one moment of calm. 

Then he opened his eyes, and then the green took over. 

And Jason finally broke. 

The last thing he remembered was the sound of multiple anguished long screams. 

Screams from _him_. 

Screams that were broken and cracked. 

Screams that grew quieter as his voice weakened with the strain. 

Scream that kept fading in and out as he lost he grip on reality. 

Screams that were weakened by equally anguished sobbing, and the sounds of both muffled and clear pounds and ugly sounds of things crashing around him. 

Screams from a man who'd now lost the best thing that ever happened to him. 

Screams from a scared and hurt little boy who after tonight, knew that his life was destined for nothing but grief and desolation. 

Jason fell to knees, everything destroyed around him. He doesn't know how long he sat there, but eventually, the muffled pounding was gone and he was left alone. 

He always made himself out to be the black sheep, the one who kept his distance, the loner. 

Heh… _Alone_. 

He truly was now. 

**Author's Note:**

> I uh... I might've gotten carried away... 
> 
> Sorry? 
> 
> Well somebody had to write a sensible Jason reaction since we can't trust dc to do anything right anymore. 
> 
> Fun fact (and possible spoiler alert): since Dick is losing his memories and becoming "Rick" soon, I thought about changing Dick to Dinah but with the whole violence thing (and the fact that I have no idea how to write her yet) it didn't really feel comfortable. 
> 
> I can't change what happened in heroes in crisis, but I can get my frustrations out by hurting my favorite characters! 
> 
> Thanks to my fav miss gin for helping me with the title and summary and everyone who pre read and made sure I was going in the right direction. 
> 
> Hope y'all enjoyed and uh, sorry for the tears again.


End file.
